Speak Up

I met her in treatment in MT. I'm not from there - a midwest gal. I never truly experienced someone fighting meth addiction before her. She was my roommate, and became the love of my life. I don't think I ever got as close to someone as I got to her, and I don't think I can ever truly put out that type of love again, or stop loving her. Once we parted ways, things went downhill for her. Felonies, abuse, pain, and relapse all came crashing down on her life again. When she got pregnant I thought she would change- I thought she would never have the capability to go back to using - because she loves kids, and has been so strong. I was wrong- I'm unsure if she used while pregnant, but I had suspicions that things were going awry. Manic posts online and frantic sporaddic messages. Random phone calls - sounding like she couldn't exactly string the words together... After she had the baby things again seemed a lot better... Great photos of the little one were being posted, and joyous notes about being a mom. Then she disappeared for a while... and that's how I always knew. She could never handle the fact that I always could tell when she was on drugs. I recently found out that she no longer has custody of her daughter. And that she's doing god-knows-what with her boyfriend...just running wild. I live 2,000 miles away, and I feel nothing but helpless. Because I fear for the day I hear that she got killed, or that she od-ed...all because of METH. They say "Meth Not Even Once" and I believe that. Because this beautiful girl is now 21 and has been facing her addiction for at LEAST 6 years. I can see the good still way deep inside her- but she'll never be the same. And unless she truly WANTS to get help. I've learned from her, and other addicts, and from personal experience - you can't truly begin to recover unless you want it for yourself. Sure- you can try and motivate yourself for your mom maybe, or your sister, or lover, or child - but that won't always work... you've got to want sobriety for YOU. And forcing someone in to rehab can sometimes backfire too, and rarely guarantees successful recovery. Meth is a scary thing -and luckily more research is being done to help people who have been affected by this addiction... but Meth IS a monster- and should be treated as such. Stay far away , keep it out of your life, and if you've gotten near it - fight it off. I don't think my heart will every truly recover from watching the ups and downs my beautiful friend experienced because of meth. And now as a mother- to - be I try to stay strong, and stay focused, but my mind can't help wandering to my friend and praying that she's okay...