Speak Up

At the age of 15 meth got ahold of me. I seen all of my family get addicted to it & mess up their lives and i always said i would NEVER EVER touch it. I had a dream to go to ASU and play softball for them ever since i was 7 years old. Until meth took over me and stole it all away from me. Around July of last year i got involved with people that only cared about getting high and after being with them all the time i agreed to try it. By the time of late November i was dropped out of school and smoking with my boyfriend allll the time. It got to the point where i couldnt even have sex with him because one time he looked at me and said "ugh, you look like a crackhead." I disgusted him. My friends. My family. I lost so much weight i couldnt even wear my jeans cause they would just fall. I have to put leggings under them and wear a belt just to keep them up. I couldnt look at myself in the mirror cause everytime i looked at myself i felt my face sinking in more and more. I disgusted myself. All of my closest friends were so disappointed with me. My boyfriend broke up with me and moved away cause my drug use became too much to handle. My dad hates me and wont let me see my brothers. My mom worries everytime i leave im gonna come home cracked out. I had the choice to stay home for a month or get sent to rehab. I chose to stay home with little privilege of leaving but i took advantage of that i still got high so by the second day of my "lockdown" i couldnt even leave at all cause my mom could tell i was still smoking. So i snuck out at night to go smoke every once in awhile. In February i lost my bestfriend because he ruined his insides from smoking meth. His organs just gave out. He was only 21. Everyone in my group agreed to stay clean for him the day of his funeral after we got our "last high." But it all turned out to be a lie we all kept smoking. My last bestfriend is the only person i know that hates meth and has never tried it and never will. When she found out i was still smoking after our bestfriend passed away she said "i cant have a bestfriend thats nothing but a crackhead just like my mom!" That killed me. I thought i lost the only person i had left. But she forgave me until she caught me smoking in her house when then she said "i swear if i have to go to your funeral next year because you cant stop smoking i will not even go cause you will be completely dead to me. Its disgusting. Youre disgusting." I thought i lost her again but i didn't. She gave me another chance but told me if i smoked she doesnt care that shes not my mom anymore. She thinks i have been clean but i still smoke every once in awhile.. Smoking gave me a sense of feeling normal. It gave me more pleasure than sex. But now.. i dont even know why i smoke.. theres no pleasure left its just addicting. I am still 15. & its only been 8 months that i have started smoking & i am addicted. Im now trying to get help but i do relapse more often lately.. & its disgusting. But you guys that havent smoked have a chance at actually living. Dont let drugs take over your life. Dont lose the most important things and/or people in your life because meth will destory you and once it does it feels almost impossible to ever get back to you. The REAL you. Learn from everyones stories. It will ruin you one way or another, dont let it. You have a choice.